"When I was not well, I was told I had it all and that I lacked nothing. I was told that I needed to pull myself together. Day by day, I would sink further and further which only brought my self-destructive habit of drinking and smoking which were ways to cope and manage my agonizing heart and the desire to get out of my skin. As far back as my early teens, my life has been double. The one inside and the perfect façade. Every day was a battle, a struggle. I am a victim of an alcoholic parent, was emotionally abused when my parent was drunk. Inevitably, it led me to hate alcohol. And yet! No matter how determined I was, or felt I was, no matter how hard I kept away, eventually again I found my solace and peace in alcohol. My depression manifested itself in many different ways, none less than my feelings of loneliness and low self-esteem, yet I simply could not understand why."